Topic:  How far can one go without actually having sex?

Source of this posting: Moderator response

Date originally posted: May 14, 2005

Moderator who originally posted this source: Stacie West

Question:  If we aren’t going to have sex, how far can we go? and Is other stuff okay, as long as we don’t have sex?

Answer: 

Thanks for your question!

Certainly, couples who are attracted to each other desire to become closer and to share some level of intimacy. You are called to live chastely, and should avoid occasions where you might be led to have sex. While you may have no intention of having sex, the closer you get, the more you lose control and the higher the chance that you will fall into the temptation of sin.

God's gift of sexuality is not designed to be a means for mere physical pleasure. Much theological discussion has been given to this topic, and a good document to check out is "Theology of the Body" by Pope John Paul II. I would recommend reading "Good News About Sex and Marriage" or "Theology of the Body for Beginnings" by Christopher West. West makes a good point when he says, "We shouldn't be seeking how much we can 'get away with' before being guilty of doing something wrong" ("Good News About Sex and Marriage" p. 65). The theology of our sexuality is not the idea of putting limits and setting aside what you can and cannot do. In making choices about the use of God's precious gift of sexuality, you should seek to follow Christ as best as you can.

Judging from your age, it is probably a good idea not to engage in sexual activity. Abstaining from sex, and sexual activities outside of intercourse, challenges you to find fun, creative ways to find and express your love and affection for another person.

God bless you!