Topic: What exactly is prayer?

Source of this posting: moderator response

Date originally posted: September 8, 2003

Moderator who originally posted this source:  Father Phillip

Question:  what exactly is prayer? what am I to do in order to be in prayer?and how should I pray?thanks!

Answer:

"Exactly"??? I really can't tell you what prayer is "exactly" because prayer is different for each person.

Generally, as Catholic Christians we believe that prayer is opening ourselves to the loving Presence of God. "Exactly" how we do that will vary from person to person. But the Church has, over the millennia, developed some very helpful hints and techniques that make praying far more possible for those who want to pray. So, in no particular order, I will make the following comments about praying and prayer:

1. Prayer is a gift from God. God 'wants' to be in contact with us, to be in relationship to us, to allow us to feel the divine Presence and love in our lives. So God created us with the capacity to receive the gift of prayer. In that regard, all we really have to do is "open" ourselves to receive the gift of prayer that God wants to give us.

2. Prayer is hard work. While prayer is God's gift, prayer also requires that we expend some of our energy and time fostering an attitude of receptivity to God. The analogy that usually works for me is something like this: God gives many people the capacity to play the piano or to be an excellent athlete, but only if the recipient of those talents chooses to spend the time and energy to develop the God-given gifts will he become a great pianist or will she become a world-class athlete. Similarly, God has given all human persons the capacity to pray, but to develop that divine gift in our lives we have to be willing to spend time and effort brining the gift to fruition.

3. Pray as you can, not as you can't. This axiom is from the spiritual masters/mistresses of the Church. Basically, it means something like: Each of us has to figure out the best way for us to pray, and just because some type of prayer works for a friend or mentor, that does not necessarily mean that it will work for us. Prayer requires an openness rather than a rigidity in us because prayer is, essentially, a following, a responding to the Holy Spirit. And the Scripture tells us that the Holy Spirit moves like the wind which can't always be predicted or forced into a particular channel. So, each of us has to find the style and manner of praying that is most energizing for us at a particular moment in our life.

4. Use some of the "tried and true" techniques of prayer that have come to us through the faithful experience of women and men who have gone before us. For instance, learn to pray the Rosary. This mantra-like prayer is especially lovely in that it can help us be focused in the busy-ness of our lives. The Rosary is also an excellent tool for praying because it helps us to know what to say and in what order; that structure is very useful for many of us who sometimes feel "at sea" when we try to pray. Other types of prayer that Christians use include, daily Mass (which I really think is one of the very, very best!), Scripture reading, meditation and/or contemplation, prayer groups.

5. Figure out a routine for your prayer. I often find that my own prayer is enhanced significantly if I try to pray at, more or less, the same time each day -- it's a kind of 'conditioning' that tells my mind, "Now is the time that we're going to pray!" Also, if I designate one particular place -- a chair or a corner of my room -- that I use only for prayer, again, when I go to that place, my 'being' receives a 'signal' that says, "Pray!" And, if I have some kind of ritual that I go through to initiate my time of praying, that is helpful. For example, if I make the Sign of the Cross or if I light a candle or sit in a particular position or listen to a special song -- these ritual gestures can usher me into the sacred space where prayer can happen.

6. Make your prayer reasonable and successful. By this I mean, be careful not to set yourself up for failure by setting outlandish goals for yourself. If you are really busy and haven't been in the habit of spending time in prayer, then you might be setting unreasonable goals if you were to say, "I will spend one hour on my knees in prayer three times a day." Then when you didn't fulfill this unreasonable goal, you might be tempted to say, "I can't pray; I'm a terrible failure at prayer." So rather than setting yourself up for failure, create a reasonable goal; for example: I will pray five minutes each morning as I drive to work/school by not turning on the radio or CD so that I can just listen to God in that quiet. Then when you're able to accomplish this reasonable goal, you can quite legitimately say, "Wow! I DID pray just like I said I would; so maybe I can continue to pray and maybe even grow in my prayer."

7. Look for somebody who can be a coach for your prayer. In traditional Catholic language "prayer coaches" are usually called "spiritual directors." A prayer coach might be a campus minister, a lay person, a nun, or a priest. But what's important about a prayer coach is that she or he be a person whom you know to be a woman or man who prays. Your prayer coach probably should be somebody at least a bit older than you are, and definitely should not be a person in whom you would ever be interested in a 'dating' sort of relationship. For the prayer coach relationship to work well, you and the prayer coach should mutually agree on the relationship after talking together about it. Be as honest as you possibly can with the prayer coach, and give the relationship a good, fair trial -- at least a year of meeting at least once a month to talk about where God has been in your life and how your prayer has been going.

8. Make a retreat. Most campus ministries sponsor a variety of retreats. Though I'm sure you are very busy, put a weekend into your schedule when you can go on a spiritual retreat. Perhaps you'd like to be on a retreat led by your peers, or maybe you'd like to go on what is called a "preached retreat" led by a priest or campus minister who gives talks during the retreat on spiritual subjects. You might even want to consider making a private, directed retreat where you would meet an hour or so each day with a director to talk about the Lord and your prayer.

So, there you go! Lots of ideas and suggestions about prayer. But I certainly can't tell you how you "should" pray. That is something you and God have to figure out together. But remember: God really, really wants to hear from you! And it's wonderful that you're thinking about this vitally important subject.

Happy praying!