Topic:  Should I have sex with my spouse if I don't want children?

Source of this posting: Moderator response

Date originally posted: February 10, 2003

Moderator who originally posted this source: Father Phillip

Question:   Hi! I have a question, I hope that this is not an odd question but here it goes (I am really curious) Since I am a Catholic and say the man who I marry is a Catholic also, and we have sex when we are married, no time before, just after we are married. And say we have 2 to 3 kids, after we are done having kids, can we still have sex? if so, how?? well i mean, if we plan on not having anymore kids after that, how do we prevent having kids if it is against the Catholic Religion to not use Condoms, birth control, etc? Just a question. Do we stuff having sex with one another? I thought that having sex with one another is a good thing to do with your spouse when you are married Let me know! Okay Thank you! God Bless You

Answer: 

Thanks for your question, Lindsey. And congratulations on coming into full communion with the Catholic Church at Easter (as you said in your profile)!

Actually, this kind of question is exactly the type that I hope you would be able to discuss in your RCIA group. My experience is that RCIA leaders have a really good grasp on conducting a dialogue with candidates and catechumens; so I would encourage you to take it up with them.

(For those who may not know: The RCIA is the Rite of Christian Initiation of Adults and is the process the Catholic Church has established to bring unbaptized, as well as already-baptized-in-another-Christian-Church, persons into full communion with the Catholic Church.)

The Catholic Church teaches that the gift of sexuality in the context of Christian marriage has two purposes: the procreative and the unitive. The "procreative" purpose of sex is so that the human family can be enriched with new children and so that the Church can be enriched with the offspring of Christian couples. The "unitive" purpose of marriage is, according to the teaching of the Church, for the mutual enrichment and joy of the married couple. Every act of intercourse between a married couple should be 'open' to both of these purposes.

So, Lindsey, I would say, "Yes!" a married couple should definitely feel free to have sexual intercourse throughout their marriage.

Moreoever, I would hope that you and your partner in marriage -- especially since, in your hypothetical, you are both Catholics -- are praying together in a regular way. In your prayer the two of you should be seeking the Lord's guidance about your marriage, about how many children God wants you to have, and about how you should allow God "into" your sexual life as a couple...of course, I know that you will want to be praying about every dimension of your life!

As faithful Catholics, I don't really think you have the 'right' to pre-determine exactly how many children you are going to have. In that matter, as in ALL things, you and your future-spouse should pray diligently, asking for God's direction. If you do that, your marriage will be a happy and long one...which will, I am confident, include a fulfilling sex life as a married couple!

Blessings,
Father Phillip