Topic:  What is needed for a Catholic non-Catholic marriage to be recognized??

Source of this posting: Moderator response

Date originally posted: October 22, 2003

Moderator who originally posted this source: Father Phillip

Question:   I am planning on asking for my girlfriends hand in marriage soon and i was wondering how to go about with the church's conformation of the marriage. the problem is that i am an atheist and she is catholic. what would be needed for this marriage to be recognized?

Answer: 

Well, you're a very considerate atheist! Thanks for caring about your girlfriend's faith! That thoughtful, loving consideration bodes well for your marriage -- if marriage is what God has in mind for y'all.

Basically marriage preparation involves the following ingredients:

1. Both parties have to agree to go through a process that is determined by the local Diocese and the local Campus Ministry or Parish. Each Diocese and each Parish may have different requirements for that process.

In the Diocese where I serve, it involves being in regular contact with a campus minister or priest in a parish for a minimum of 6 months prior to the wedding. And in our parish-campus ministry center, during those 6 months, we ask that the couple meet two or three times with a member of our parish staff, go on 2 one day retreats, and for the Catholic party at least, be involved in weekend Mass regularly. But as I say: those requirements may vary from place to place.

2. Some "paper work" is almost always involved. The Catholic party has to present to the campus minister or priest a copy of his/her baptismal certificate that has been issued by the parish in which he/she was Baptized within 6 months of the date the couple meets with the campus minister or priest for marriage preparation. That is pretty much a requirement everywhere -- at least as far as I know.

Other forms have to be filled out and some questions answered. The forms are not terribly hard to do although they almost always have to be done in the presence of the campus minister or priest. The precise format of the forms varies from Diocese to Diocese.

3. In most of the places with which I'm familiar, the couple has to take something called a "premarital inventory." It's an instrument that -- at least in our parish -- we use to initiate discussion between the couple, to help identify areas where the couple might need to grow in their knowledge and understanding of each other, to encourage the couple to deepen their self-understanding and, when appropriate, their relationship with the Lord. In our campus ministry center we have a really great clinical social worker who leads the couple in their discussion of the premarital inventory.

4. When one of the couple is Catholic and the other is not, we ask the Catholic party to sign a statement which includes the following three components:

a. The Catholic party reaffirms her/his faith in Christ Jesus and says that she/he will continue to live that faith in the Catholic Church.

b. The Catholic acknowledges that he/she must respect the conscience of his/her partner in marriage without trying to coerce his/her partner in any matter of conscience.

c. The Catholic party promises to do everything she/he can do to see to it that if God grants children to the couple that those children will be Baptized and reared as Catholics.

Related to this fourth ingredient of the marriage preparation process, the campus minister or priest has to sign a statement (at least in our Diocese) saying that the non-Catholic party knows about -- not necessarily agreess to but definitely that the non-Catholic party knows about the statement that the Catholic party has signed. We don't want to be in the position of going behind the non-Catholic party's back, so to speak.

5. Then, of course, each parish usually has some kind of requirement about meeting with musicians and others to plan the wedding ceremony itself in ways that are respectful of the Catholic Church's teaching about worshipping together and that are respectful of the non-Catholic's conscience and desires.

Usually, though not always, the Catholic Church prefers that weddings happen in places that are set aside specifically for sacred actions -- that is, within Churches. If that poses an insuperable hardship -- say, for instance, because going into a Church would be something that some family members would not be able to do because of their own beliefs or because of some horrible memory associated with a Church building in that family member's mind -- then the Bishop can permit marriages to occur in places other than a Church, but such a permission is very clearly the exception, not the rule.

6. The Catholic Church does NOT have any requirement that a non-Catholic person must "convert" to Catholicism in order to marry a Catholic and/or to have their marriage recognized by the Catholic Church -- providing that the couple go through the marriage preparation process outlined by the Diocese and parish in which the Catholic party lives.

And usually, most campus ministers and priests will recommend that when one of the parties is not Catholic, that the wedding itself be a Solemn Celebration of Marriage rather than a Nuptial Mass -- that is, there is no Holy Communion at the wedding ceremony. Weddings should be celebrations of what brings a couple together -- not a moment when what is not shared is put on display. Since the Catholic Church does not invite non-Catholics to receive Holy Communion, most campus ministers and priests strongly urge couples who do not share the Catholic faith to have weddings which do not include the Eucharist.

So, that about covers it in general terms. Since I don't know you, I can't really give you any more specific information.

But thanks for writing to www.CatholicQandA.org and many blessings as you and your girlfriend approach this holy and sacred and exciting commitment!

Blessings,
Father Phillip