Topic:  Are long engagements better for preparing couples?

Source of this posting: Moderator response

Date originally posted: November 20, 2003

Moderator who originally posted this source: Father Phillip

Question:   Hello,  From your experience in preparing couples for marriage, would you advise against a long engagement (one that is longer than 12 months)?? Please explain why.  Thank you in advance for your time and consideration, Father!  God Bless You,  Melissa

Answer: 

From my experience helping couples to prepare for marriage, I would always advise them to do whatever God is calling them to do.

I would advise couples to:

1. Pray together regularly
2. Go to Mass together each week (if they're both Catholic)
3. Get to know each other well
4. Seek appropriate counseling before marriage so that difficulties and challenges can be recognized and so that strategies for coping constructively with challenges can begin to be mapped out before they become destructive patterns and habits
5. Do everything that the Church/Diocese/Parish/Campus Ministry asks them to do by way of marriage preparation
6. Make sure that they understand the financial and practical components of marriage
7. Have lots of fun together
8. Plan their wedding to reflect who they are, not who others (including families-of-origin) think they ought to be
9. Listen for God's voice and direction in every moment of their lives and in every aspect of their relationship
10. Did I mention having lots of fun together?

If a couple can do these things in six months or 12 months, great; there is, in my opinion, no "magic number".

Blessings,
Father Phillip