Topic: Marriage

Date originally posted: February 1, 2002

Source of this posting: Moderator response to emailed question

Moderator who originally posted this source: C. Rusin

Question:  I am a senior at UNC-G and on Valentines Day I plan to ask my girlfriend to marry me.  I am protestant and she is Catholic, what do we have to do to get married and have it recognized by the Catholic Church?  Also, can we get married out doors in my mother's garden?

Answer:

Well, let’s hope your intended doesn’t decide to check out this website in the next week! 

Brian, I don’t work directly with Marriage Preparation, so I have gone to the Catholic Diocese of Raleigh’s web site www.dioceseofraleigh.org (Marriage Prep FAQ section) for assistance. (Greensboro is in the Charlotte Diocese, so if that’s where you intend to marry, a few practical details may vary.) Sorry that this reply is so long! 

What I do know is that the first thing to do (after celebrating and telling your families and friends !) is to make contact with her local priest and schedule an appointment.  There are several steps to the process, designed to help the couple prepare not only for the wedding day, but for a successful Christian marriage. 

 Since the Catholic Church considers Matrimony to be a sacrament, and as such, a good and holy thing that should last a lifetime, we ask that people invest some time and prayer before making that awesome commitment.  So, a few questions about an ecumenical marriage … with the answers taken from the FAQ section I’d mentioned. 

>>Does a Catholic priest have to be present; must the wedding occur in a Catholic Church? 

“The Catholic Church considers the sacrament of marriage to be conferred by the couple. The priest, deacon or bishop serves as the official witness of the church community. It is possible, and not unusual, for the Bishop to designate a minister of another faith tradition as the official witness of the Catholic Church as well as his or her own tradition. Such weddings would normally take place in the house of worship where the minister of another tradition worships. With proper delegation from the Bishop such marriages are considered every bit as valid and appropriate as when a Catholic priest or deacon officiates. However, if a couple that includes one or more Catholic's marries in a ceremony where someone who is not recognized by the Bishop officiates, the Catholic Church does not recognize the marriage as valid.” 

>>Can we have the wedding outside, or in a place that’s not a church? 

“Since the Catholic Church regards marriage as a sacrament--a sacred event in which God is specially present, weddings are normally required to be celebrated in space that is set aside for prayer and worship. We regard a wedding as not simply a private event, but a public commitment. Symbols and ritual are important in the Catholic tradition, and the symbolic value of exchanging marriage vows in a place of worship is regarded as more fitting than other sites--no matter how beautiful they may be or what special meaning they may have. Exceptions to this rule require permission from the Bishop.” 

(And on a practical level, you don’t have to worry so much about the weather! If making use of your mother’s garden for your wedding day is important to you, might it be a good place for the reception?) 

>>Does the Catholic Church require us to promise to raise our children Catholic? 

”When a Catholic marries someone who is not Catholic, the Catholic party is required to make a promise which says: "I reaffirm my faith in Jesus Christ and, with God's help, intend to continue living that faith in the Catholic Church. At the same time I acknowledge the respect I owe to the conscience of my partner in marriage. I promise to do all in my power to share the faith I have received with our children by having them baptized and reared as Catholics." 

>>This means several things: 

1.—That the Catholic party is not just "culturally" Catholic, but values the Catholic tradition and intends to live as a faithful Catholic. Otherwise, it does not seem to make sense to have a Catholic ceremony.

2.—That the Catholic party acknowledges his or her need to respect the faith tradition (or lack of one) of the person he/she is going to marry. That implies no secret hope that the partner will one day become Catholic. It presumes that children of the marriage will be taught to respect the faith traditions of both spouses and their families.

3.—Since it is natural to want to share everything good with one's children, we expect that a Catholic who values his or her Catholic faith will want to share it with his/her children by having them baptized and raising them as Catholics. 

At any rate, Brian, congratulations on finding someone you love enough to spend your life with – let us know if/when she says ‘yes’! -Cathy Rusin