Topic: Can a Catholic attend a wedding in a non-Catholic Church?

Date originally posted: November 30, 2002

Source of this posting: Moderator response to emailed question

Moderator who originally posted this source: Father Phillip

Question:   Dear Father Phillip,

I'm very sorry that I was unclear. I really appreciate you getting back to me. I don't remember exactly what I wrote but I'll try to explain it again. If my fiancé and I are both (let's just say for the sake of argument) Baptist, can my best friend whom is Catholic, attend or wedding service (in the Baptist Church)? I have discussed this issue with him before and he believes that he may only attend wedding ceremonies if they are conducted in the Catholic Church by a priest. I was very sad when I learned that he didn't attend his own brothers wedding for these reasons. I agree with the Catholic church on many issues but there are a few (such as this one) that sadden me. It seems that this kind out thought can only create a separatism among family. Something that I feel is very hurtful and inevitably damaging to family relations.  Thanks again for your help. I have had this question for a while now and I'm very happy to have someone like you to help me answer it.

Sincerely,
Brandon McQuiston

Answer: 

Dear Brandon,

Thanks for the clarification on your question. 

 Of course, I don’t know the specific situation which caused your best friend not to attend his own brother’s wedding.  That is, indeed, tragic in my opinion.  But every circumstance, especially family circumstances, have many sides, and we just can’t sit in judgment when we don’t have all the details.  So, we’ll just pray for your best friend and for his family that they are being bound together by the love of Christ.

 With regard to the question you pose about your and your fiancé’s situation, I would say the following:  If you are both Baptist and you get married in a Baptist Church by a Baptist Minister, I can see absolutely no reason at all – from a Catholic point-of-view – which would prevent your best friend from attending the wedding ceremony.   

Again, there could be other reasons about which I don’t know that could cause a Catholic not to attend a non-Catholic wedding ceremony.  For example – and these have nothing to do with you or your fiancé, but are rather just ‘imaginary’ examples – a Catholic might feel that his/her faith would prevent him/her from attending the wedding ceremony of a person who had notoriously rejected the Christian faith, or the wedding ceremony of a person who had been stridently and publicly anti-Catholic in his/her attitudes and actions, or the wedding ceremony of a person who was widely known to be involved in some heinous activity like selling drugs. 

 But in the normal course of life, a Roman Catholic is NOT prohibited by the Church’s teaching from attending the wedding ceremony of a non-Catholic in a non-Catholic Church building.  

 If I were you, I would urge your best friend to make an appointment with his (I’m presuming your best friend is a guy) Catholic Campus Minister or priest.  Encourage your best friend to talk honestly and openly with the Catholic Campus Minister or priest about this situation, giving the Catholic Campus Minister ALL of the facts, including your best friend’s family situation and why your best friend feels that he should not attend your wedding ceremony.   

Then trust that the Lord will work through both your best friend and the Catholic Campus Minister to come to a resolution which is good for your best friend, for you, for your fiancé, and for everybody else that is involved.  God really does care about us, and, I believe, that God wants us to love and to accept one another – as God loves and accepts us!

 You might offer to go with your best friend in order to support him as he talks to the Catholic Campus Minister or priest.  You might even say something like, “I’d be happy to go with you and tell the Campus Minister my concerns, and then I’d leave the room so that you and the Catholic Campus Minister could talk freely without worrying about me and my feelings – if that would help you.”  But, don’t try to force or push your best friend about your going with him.  Just make the offer…and then trust God! 

Blessings as you and your fiancé approach marriage!

Father Phillip