Topic: Can a man and a woman live together as friends?

Source of this posting: moderator response

Date originally posted: September 29, 2003

Moderator who originally posted this source:  Cathy Rusin

Question:  I am 20 years old, and a strong Catholic. I am going to college and want to move in to an apartment with my friends. I have known these friends for years, we went to our Catholic grade and high school together. I trust them and we all have good morals. The problem is that one of these friends is a girl. Now, I know she wouldn't do anything immoral and neither would the rest of my friends, I would put my life on it. We are just students who want an apartment rather than a dorm or other options But would it be wrong to get an apartment together, even though nothing would happen, because one of the people involved is a girl?Thanks.

Answer:

Hello Jack,

There’s really no need for me to think up a long answer here, because the situation is pretty clear. There’s really nothing wrong with the living situation as you’ve described it, especially if the woman (or if it were one man sharing a place with 3 women) has her own bedroom. A group of friends sharing living space with no intention of moving from friendship to a sexual relationship is not improper or sinful.

As a matter of fact, in many volunteer programs like JVC (Jesuit Volunteer Corps) or the Franciscan Volunteers, etc, participants share a house with other male and female volunteers who had previously been strangers to them – and that is considered an experience of living in Christian community! So, maybe you and your friends could really turn this living situation into a really convenient way to share your faith as well as your friendship together (take turns making a weekly meal and talk about the upcoming readings for mass?)!

Now, if this were the 1950’s, some church official might be talking with you about the dangers of the “near occasion of sin” or the “appearance of scandal” – meaning that you shouldn’t put yourself in situations where you’d be tempted to sin, or where it’d look to people from the outside that something untoward was going on. And you know, there’s wisdom in that. But there’s also the common sense, mature recognition that men and women can be friends, and can behave appropriately, especially with their faith as a strong factor in their friendship.

Now, who keeps the kitchen and bathroom clean – THERE’S where you’ve got to worry!

Peace to you,
Cathy Rusin